I believe in instant karma.

When I was a little girl, I used to say all the time, "I believe in instant karma!" I don't know where I picked it up or if I even really knew what it meant. I did, however, know it was extremely effective in taunting my sister after she injured herself.

I definitely believe in karma. What goes around, comes around. I believe life is full of lessons and everything happens for a reason.

Before I had my own baby, I worked with children in a variety of settings. I had taken several child development courses in both high school and college. I babysat extensively and felt fairly confident in my knowledge of child development and proper parenting. HA!

I would critique every parent I encountered in public. I would roll my eyes at the mother in line in front of me at the sandwich shop and how she allowed her child to crunch all the bags of chips on display. I would tell Travis, "My mom would have wacked me upside the head for that!" about the child loudly stomping his feet down the aisle in Target. I would also say, "Now that IS the appropriate way to reprimand a misbehaving child!" about the woman who took her child to the bathroom after throwing a fit at their table in a restaurant. So, I did both positive and negative critiques. ;)

Regardless, what did I REALLY know? Until you have your own child, you know NOTHING. I now know that I am going to have years of struggles with my own children simply because of my past judgmental ways. I just know it.

Let me explain how this "karma" has already started!

One of the other things I used to be judgmental about was breastfeeding. I never understood why a mother wouldn't breastfeed her child. It's obviously the better option. Do these mothers not want their children to have higher IQ's? To be healthier and have better immune systems? I didn't get it. I thought the ones that said they couldn't do it gave up too easy. When I was pregnant with Patrick, I didn't register for any bottles. I didn't do any research on which type of bottle is best. I didn't purchase anything bottle or formula related. The hospital I chose to deliver Patrick is one of the only "baby-friendly" hospitals in Colorado, meaning they emphasized breastfeeding and their staff received extra training on how to help mothers successfully breastfeed.

The day after Patrick was born, I let him comfort feed all day long. Well, I thought he was "comfort-feeding". Turns out he wasn't getting anything so he kept trying. The first few days home with Patrick were stressful. He cried and moaned non-stop. He didn't sleep. I couldn't figure out what was going on. When we took him to the pediatrician for his first check-up, he had lost a significant amount of weight. I can't remember the exact amount. I immediately made an appointment with a lactation consultant. To make a long story short, Patrick was "tongue-tied". He physically was unable to properly latch and suck. The condition runs in his paternal side of the family. We couldn't get Patrick's tongue clipped until he was six weeks old. Exclusively pumping every two hours with a hospital grade pump still didn't work.

Then, we found out Patrick was allergic to dairy and he had to be on the amino-acid based formula anyway. It was such a long and draining ordeal. I am regretful I wasn't able to breastfeed but the odds were against me. I believe it really was to teach me a lesson. There are reasons why people choose to make certain decisions and I don't always know those reasons so I shouldn't pass judgement. The end. :)